Order and discipline. Straight body and parts. Parts? Part! I read a book written by Tolstoy the other day. Normally/ in general I only read the text written by the author. I inherited the two volumes entiteld 'Anna Karenina' from my grandmother and grandfather belonging to the Sival en Baarda families. Beautiful volumes, the hardcovers in karmozin red, enriched with golden threads curving all over the cover. A golden ribbon for remembering the pages read. Including the names of my ancestors, in elegant and small handwriting. Done with pen and loose ink. Anna Karenina, woman of the flesh. Walking around with her favourite military person. Why would they have named me Anne Marie? Secondly and thirdly. To remind them of all their sisters? To remind me of military men? To remind me of my own flesh? Me, the complete person, walking circles. A perfect mathematical shape, a very worldy shape as well. A circle includes and excludes. Parents, they don't have a clue. They even couldn't come up with an original name for their daughters. They did for their son, their only son. The last child. Like I did. But then, the four daughters and sons before the last one didn't live longer than seven weeks. Unlikely my parents I don't exclude anybody. I have included you from the beginning. I walk circles, I have drawn so many circles, on paper. It is all invisible. Not material. I do not really need the material. Everyday I am fulfilled with the air I can breathe. The air being moved by you, beautiful Mus. Your breath, your sounds, your fortunately not so loudness, your thoughts, your knowlegde, your writings, your wit whispering to me.
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